This week was a tough week. I chose to meet with the OSI Special Agent at Lackland AFB today, via teleconference. He spent over an hour asking questions and letting me fill in the gaps for their investigation. I also left him with a 14 page statement I had typed up. It took me several hours and a lot of late nights this past week to type up all I want the Air Force to know. I really feel this was a chance for me to make sure Ryan's voice is heard. It has been an exhausting couple of days kind of "re-living" everything. I cried a lot in the parking lot right after the interview, probably just relieving all those emotions I guess. But tonight I feel a little better, like maybe I can move forward, knowing someone is finally listening to Ryan's voice.
I have been kind of consumed the last few days with typing up that statement for OSI. Going through the process of typing out Ryan's struggles, listing his assignments, his deployments, all those details, kept me busy and my mind consumed all week. Now suddenly I feel like I turned that paper in today and tomorrow my mind will be quiet again. When it's quiet and my mind isn't stressed with busy thoughts, I just miss Ryan so much it hurts. I'm not sure what to do. I almost want something stressful to have to focus on so my mind isn't quiet. All those memories of our years together come flooding in when things are calm and still and I can't do anything but cry. How do I go forward? What do I do tomorrow?
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