the kids

My heart has been heavy this past week for my children.  They seem to be doing "okay," and so I worry.  I know that sounds silly, let me explain...  What if the kids aren't processing their daddy's death?  They do not want to talk about it, so what if they are holding questions and emotions inside?  What if they have questions but they are afraid it will make Mommy cry to ask them?  Am I making myself available enough for them to talk with me?  Am I smothering them by being too available?  What am I missing?  What if I "mess up" their healing process by not doing something, or doing too much of something?
I mentioned some of this to my grief counselor last week and asked, do I "make them" go see a counselor if they don't want to?  Are they in denial of the situation if they just want to play and be kids and go on with their normal interests?  When they are quiet and sad, what do i do?  She told me kids grieve differently than adults and that is okay.  So, instead of worry, I decided to just pray.  A lot.  Which is what I should have been doing all along, right?  I also asked a few praying friends for specific prayer for the kids this week too.
And God is good.  I began my week in worry but then a few friends reached out to share with me, a few sharing prayers, one to assure me that kids are indeed resilient, and another sharing a beautiful picture she had for my children's future.  And, out of the blue, I received a letter from Ryan's aunt (that I had never met) who shared how she lost her son, but specifically went on to tell me about how her granddaughter is thriving, so as to assure me that children can heal, mend, and still thrive.  She had no idea that I was worrying and she wrote the letter back in July, but it arrived this week, just when I needed to hear it.  And then at my Bible study on Wednesday night, a lady shared how her friend's children had grieved.  She, again, had no idea I was worrying about this but was just sharing her friend's story about children and grieving, at a time I needed so badly to hear it.  And tonight my dear mother-in-law sat and shared some advice and tears and concern for Kate and Charlie with me that helped a lot too.
I may not stop questioning if I am doing this "healing" process correctly, but I am trusting that God loves Ryan and I's children so much. And He is so good to reassure me when I can do nothing but doubt.  And if He will bless me with answering my concerns so specifically and quickly, He will certainly heal and mend and take care of our kids.