green grass

The grass is slowly starting to grow back in the spot where my beloved Ryan is buried.  His headstone won't come in and be placed until later in September.  But I go sit in that spot marked for him every week.  I know some people may find it strange or weird, or even creepy, that I find comfort in sitting on that patch of grass in the cemetery every week.  I admit I thought so too, before the funeral.  But I truly feel at peace sitting there.  I know without any doubt that my precious Ryan is not actually there, he is safe in God's loving arms.  Part of it is that I feel peaceful being outdoors, but I think it also is my science-mindedness, I know the cells that I used to hug and that used to hold me, are there in the ground.  Just as I wear Ryan's sweatshirt, sleep with his quilt, or put pictures of him in my room - sitting there, where a part of him is, lets me cling to him and brings me comfort.