buddies

So today is one of those more difficult days, where I feel more like curling up and having a pity party than being brave.  So I am going to vent a little bit.  I keep looking at my little Charlie and I worry he is lost without his buddy, his Daddy, his Lego-Superhero-comic book reading-camping buddy.  How do I fill those roles?  It just makes me so sad.  And yet, when I look at Char, I see Ryan.  Charlie's personality and mannerisms are so Ryan.  The way he walks with his hands in his pockets.  His "cheese" smile.  His intelligent sarcasm.  We always called Charlie "Ryan's-mini-me-in-blonde."  And so having Char nearby is literally having a part of Ryan with me.  And Charlie has kind of taken on that caregiving role, being very protective of me, making sure he knows where I am at all times, making me smoothies (Ryan used to do that for me), and patting my shoulder and telling me to rest when I seemed overwhelmed.  He is copying what his Daddy did.  That is about all I have to share today, nothing deep or encouraging, just reflecting on my sadness and worry and looking through some pictures of my two favorite boys together.