Thursday, September 8, 2016

how to be there for me

At my Grief Share Bible study, we were encouraged to write a “grief letter” to family and friends, so that they could know how to help me through these confusing times.  The example we were given pretty much sums up what I would write, so I copied it below, just adding a few of my own thoughts. 

Dear Friends and Family Members,
          Recently I have suffered the devastating loss of my husband.  I am grieving and it will take months and even years to recover from this loss.  I wanted to let you know that I will cry from time to time.  I don’t apologize for my tears since they are not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith – they are God’s gift to me to express the extent of my loss, and they are also a sign that I am recovering.  The tears I shed let the sadness and grief out, as holding those emotions inside can make a person sick.
          I will be joyful at times, this is not a sign that I have forgotten Ryan or that I am done grieving – it is a gift of joy God provides inside the chaos of grief.  It is okay to laugh and smile with me.  Sometimes you may even see me angry for no apparent reason.  Sometimes I’m not even sure why.  All I know is that my emotions are intense because of my grief.  If I don’t always make sense to you, please be forgiving.  And if I repeat myself again and again, please be patient with me, my mind is often cloudy with the intense emotions surging through it. 
          More than anything else I just need your understanding and your presence.  You don’t have to know what to say, or even say anything, if you don’t know how to respond.  Just a simple, “thinking of you” or “how are you?” means a lot.  Your presence and a touch or hug lets me know you care.  Please don’t wait for me to call you since sometimes I am too tired or overwhelmed to do so.  If I tend to withdraw from you, please don’t let me do that.  I need you to reach out to me for several months.  
          Pray for me that I would come to see learn compassion for others through my loss and that I would know God’s comfort and love.  It does help to let me know that you are praying for me.  If you have experienced a similar type of loss, please feel free to share it with me… If you have memories of my Ryan, speak his name to me.  Hearing his name is comfort to my soul.  This loss is so painful, and right now it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me.  But God is good and His loving comfort it the strength that provides joy…  Thank you for caring about me.  Thank you for reading this, for listening and praying.  Your concern comforts me and is a gift for which I will always be thankful.
          remaining in God's precious grip,
           Jenny

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