And yesterday was Good Friday, the Friday before Easter, the day Jesus was crucified and died. I was thinking about how the disciples and how Jesus’ family, friends, and followers must have felt on that Friday. Back then, over 2,000 years ago, they did not know it as “Good” Friday, they just knew their friend and king had died. Jesus was dead and gone.
The Jewish people had put their hope in a savior who would free them from the oppression of the Roman authority at that time. And how confusing it must have been for those close to Jesus to finally see their long-awaited savior arrive, but without sword, nor weapon, and not leading any visible army (although I imagine there was a heavenly angel army accompanying Jesus). Their savior was very puzzling. And then their savior died.
Can you imagine how they felt? They put their faith in Jesus to save them and then Jesus dies, quite willingly, without any fight or struggle or argument. And of course we know today the story of how Jesus conquers death, is raised, and visits several of his friends before ascending into heaven. But I still wonder how confused those who knew Jesus were. Would the disciples have understood why Jesus died? Would they have understood why such a terrible thing had happened to their friend and savior?
That Friday and Saturday, before the tomb is discovered to be empty on Sunday morning, had to have been two days of the most intense grief and deep confusion imaginable to many during that time. Can you imagine the questioning? God, why? Why would you ask us to give up everything to follow you, and then you die right in front of us? A king who comes to earth to die? That was not what they expected. That was not supposed to be what happened. That’s not the story they had planned. Their king was supposed to ride in, sword drawn, and defeat oppression in a mighty battle! But that was not what God had planned. God had planned to come, meekly and peaceably, and die.
And even in the days, weeks, and months after Jesus is raised on what we call Easter Sunday, I have to wonder what went through the minds of those who knew Jesus? Today we have over 2,000 years of brilliant theologians to interpret the events of the cross, parallel them to Old Testament prophesy, and debate the details of the theories of atonement to help us understand why Jesus died. But Jesus’ friends and followers did not have that - they did have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, just as we do, to teach and guide them, but I can only imagine the questions they had. Why, God, would you choose to die? Why did it happen that way? I wonder how much the disciples really understood about the atonement of sin versus a blind reliance on faith, that having spent time in the presence of Jesus for three years, they were ready to act, no matter what questions they had about the how and why of God’s plan.
Would I have had the faith to stick by Jesus when my idea of what my savior should look like crumbled before my eyes? Would I have been so overcome with disappointment and grief that I would refuse to recognize the risen Jesus? Would I have questioned God’s actions so much that I would fail to move forward in faith and obedience? Would my lack of understanding have paralyzed me from trusting that God had planned to die? Would that stuff just be too hard to grasp? It is hard stuff. God dying is hard stuff.
My point is that we do not always see or understand what God is up to, why he allows things to happen, or grasp the implications of his actions. I imagine Jesus’ friends and followers were beyond bewildered and quite scared. They had to just trust that all that Jesus taught them for the three years prior was Truth, and then cling to those teachings when their present reality seemed to scream the opposite.
When a loved one dies, we have to cling to the Truth that God is good. Because in that moment, nothing feels good. I have to think that at least a few of Jesus’ disciples lived out the rest of their life still wondering why God chose to come to earth and free his people in the way that he did. I have to think that at least a few continued, long after the ascension, to question why their king and savior chose death as the way to defeat the enemy. I have to think that at least a few struggled with the tragic events of that Friday, trusting that God had a plan, but not being able to fully see or understand what was going on, even years afterward. I have to think that at least a few of the faithful disciples or followers of Jesus died still not fully comprehending God’s actions.
I will not know on this side of heaven why God did not reach down and save Ryan that tragic Friday two June’s ago. But over 2,000 years ago many watched our savior die a painful death on a cross, in between two thieves, not understanding that they were being saved by that death. There was a plan that those closest to Jesus did not see and could not understand. They only felt intense grief, deep sorrow, and utter confusion for at least the two days before Easter. But I believe their confusion and questioning had to have lingered much longer, as they wrestled with what they witnessed and struggled to understand the how and why.
The disciples moved forward on faith, trusting and knowing that God could and would make something good from tragedy. And, oh, how he did! We, today, are freed from the grips of death by Jesus entering and defeating death itself. And so when I miss Ryan the most, I have no choice but to move forward, in that example, on faith, trusting and knowing that God makes something good from tragedy. And God always has a plan that is bigger and better than my limited view. And sometimes that plan looks wrong, feels shockingly tragic, or does not make sense at all, but eventually the Easter morning sunrise comes and begins to illuminate that God is in control, he uses suffering, he is with me through the pain, and he is in this friendship thing with me for the long haul, for all of eternity. And that is a good thing.
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