Praise to the God of all Comfort: residencies

Last October I spent a week in Santa Barbara for my first semester residency with the Renovare Institute. It was an absolutely amazing week at a beautiful retreat center in the Montecito hills overlooking the ocean. The retreat center was right near Westmont College, where I attended for my bachelors degree, so that whole area brings back the most precious memories of my college years. I loved my time living and learning in Santa Barbara, both during college and again this past October for my first residency.

This past December that retreat center and Westmont College were threatened by powerful Thomas Fire, the largest wildfire in California’s state history, but thankfully both campuses survived mostly unscathed. In January, however, that gorgeous retreat center was absolutely devastated by the mudslides that swept through the Montecito area of Santa Barbara. When I saw the pictures of the destruction at that location where I stayed last October - a place that is so dear to my heart - my heart was deeply grieved. I have such precious memories of that week long residency there - all the learning I was blessed to be a part of and the amazing connections I made with other students and staff there. The classrooms I learned in are now just gone, only foundations left under a sea of mud. The chapel that I prayed and praised in was filled with mud and debris up to a person’s neck. The dining hall I shared meals in, was devastated by a collapsed roof, crushed under the weight of the muddy debris. The pool, hiking paths, and gardens where I spent time walking, fellowshipping, and praying by, all are filled in, covered, or gone.

And of course seeing the images of the destruction all around the whole surrounding area, along with hearing the gut wrenching stories of sudden loss and devastation were utterly heartbreaking. My alma mater campus was, thankfully, spared any destruction, but areas where I worked, shopped, visited, spent time, and called “home” during my college years are now gone or destroyed.

So I am reminded from all of this that the “things” of earth are but temporary and life often has deep sorrow. But the growth and experiences and relationships I had, both during my college years and then with my classmates this past October, those are what last. The knowledge gained, the people who touched our lives, and the changes in our hearts in response are what we take with us. We can try to cling to the “things” of this earth, but we will only be disappointed time and time again when destruction and sorrow happen. But the love we receive and give, that only grows despite, and even through, destruction and sorrow on earth. In fact I think destruction and sorrow can magnify love, if we let it. Because a broken heart feels more. A broken heart may feel deep pain but it also feels tremendous joy, neither of which a hardened heart can feel. A broken heart lets love flow through in a way that a heart walled up in protection cannot feel. God continually teaches me this lesson, over and over again. This time with the imagery of a horrific mudslide. But God’s message to me is always the same, keep your heart tender, vulnerable, and broken wide open, it is the way to live and love. It is the way of Christ, a God who willingly entered the vulnerable state of the manger and the cross, and yet experienced the greatest joys. I have said before that sorrow and joy coexist, but I think sorrow can even magnify joy. When we let ourselves deeply feel the pain of loss and heartache of others, we can then receive the joy of resurrection, being lovingly lifted out of the destruction by a God who loves our souls, the things that last, more deeply and unconditionally than we can even fathom. All else on earth will eventually fade away, but our souls - the parts of us that store memories, feel feelings, give and receive love, connect with others, and “experience” the world - that part of us was created to be deeply and eternally preserved and loved.

I share all this now because I am packing and preparing for my second semester residency next week. Please pray for me next week as I travel. I will be up in Washington state this time. And I know God has an amazing week planned. Please pray for my children as they are with family while I am away. And please pray that my heart be open wide to the new places, friendships, experiences, and lessons God has in store for me, whatever they may be, however they are given, and with whatever growth God knows I need. May the experiences of the week transform my heart in ways that are eternal and lasting.

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God.” (Dostoyevsky)