I just received an email from the mortuary that the VA has finished Ryan's headstone (yes, it usually takes 6-8 weeks to inscribe). So sometime this week it will be delivered to the cemetery to be installed. Sometimes I feel like I am doing well, like I am handling all of this with strength, but all it takes is seeing Ryan's date of death in writing, on a piece of mail, the endless paperwork, or inscribed in granite, to make me an emotional mess again. This coupled with our move this next week really seems to be more than my emotions can handle. Additionally, Charlie is sick with a fever and a cold. I realized last night as I tucked an exhausted and weary little boy into bed, that I often took care of the kids when they were sick, but Ryan took care of me when I took care of the kids. Like if I was up getting medicine and water and sitting with the kids at night, Ryan would bring me water and sit with me until I fell back asleep, he knew that taking care of me would help me take better care of the kids. Beloved husband and father. This is the first time one of them has been sick since Ryan's death and it is another wave of sadness and loss to get through. God says He will turn our mourning into gladness. He will give us comfort and joy instead of sorrow. (Jeremiah 31:13). I think I just did not realize how many times, over and over, I would have to ask Him to trade in my sorrow for joy. It is not a one-time process, where sorrow is suddenly gone and joy takes its permanent place, it is a daily exchange, a daily yielding, letting Him give the joy, after He walks with us through the next wave of sorrow. Daily. Sometimes hour by hour or minute by minute.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
exchanging mourning for gladness
I just received an email from the mortuary that the VA has finished Ryan's headstone (yes, it usually takes 6-8 weeks to inscribe). So sometime this week it will be delivered to the cemetery to be installed. Sometimes I feel like I am doing well, like I am handling all of this with strength, but all it takes is seeing Ryan's date of death in writing, on a piece of mail, the endless paperwork, or inscribed in granite, to make me an emotional mess again. This coupled with our move this next week really seems to be more than my emotions can handle. Additionally, Charlie is sick with a fever and a cold. I realized last night as I tucked an exhausted and weary little boy into bed, that I often took care of the kids when they were sick, but Ryan took care of me when I took care of the kids. Like if I was up getting medicine and water and sitting with the kids at night, Ryan would bring me water and sit with me until I fell back asleep, he knew that taking care of me would help me take better care of the kids. Beloved husband and father. This is the first time one of them has been sick since Ryan's death and it is another wave of sadness and loss to get through. God says He will turn our mourning into gladness. He will give us comfort and joy instead of sorrow. (Jeremiah 31:13). I think I just did not realize how many times, over and over, I would have to ask Him to trade in my sorrow for joy. It is not a one-time process, where sorrow is suddenly gone and joy takes its permanent place, it is a daily exchange, a daily yielding, letting Him give the joy, after He walks with us through the next wave of sorrow. Daily. Sometimes hour by hour or minute by minute.
No comments:
Post a Comment