Update

My Charlie had his 10th birthday today and my family was so sweet to take him out to do mini-golf and go-karts, then out to dinner, then back to the house for cake and presents. Charlie had so much fun, a huge smile on his face. But it beat me up, several hours at the mini-golf place and not-so-healthy food made my stomach so queasy I felt at times I would barely keep from throwing up, barely being able to stand. The adrenaline of driving the go-kart was exhausting beyond words (Charlie wasn't quite tall enough to drive his own & wanted me to drive him). But I would do it again, just to be there for Charlie, and let him have his special day. I just woke up at 2am, just crying and SO sick to my stomach. Sleep is so hard to find. I found a natural peppermint, ginger & fennel pill to take yesterday. I think it may finally be helping with the queasiness. I'm praying it is enough to help me get a few more hours of sleep this morning. Today I have to meet at the funeral home at 11am to plan Ryan's funeral. My sister is going with me. I am not sure how I am going to do that when everything inside me doesn't want to, but I will just keep praying through it. Please pray that I can kind of be that fly on the wall and let the Holy Spirit take the lead. Ryan's homecoming ceremony at the airport will be July 14th and his funeral on the 15th. I feel like I need to talk to my kids about it beforehand, what to expect, the military honors ceremony part, everything, etc... Still working on that. I plan to the grief counselor again on Monday. My children say they don't want to talk with a counselor, they are both quiet a lot, so I am unsure how much to push that. I'm just trying to make myself as available as I can to them, for anything. But to do that, I also need to get myself healthy. Baby steps.