when I'm gone

This music video: When I'm Gone, is a precious song written by a wife to her husband before she died of cancer. It made me cry, but I love it.  It's worth listening to.

I love when others share things like this with me for two reasons.  One, because it reminds me that I am not the only one dealing with grief in this world - the grief journey can feel very isolating at times but it helps to know others have walked this road and are "okay."  And second, because it's a way to let my emotions and tears out in a safe place (like at home and not in the middle of a store!).  I mean, the tears of grief need frequent release, it is a healthy process and avoids bitterness or anger building up.  So please know it's okay to share "sad"'songs or memories or stories with me.  It's okay to speak Ryan's name to me.  It is not going to remind me of something sad because, trust me, I haven't forgotten.  It may make me cry, but know I welcome the tears and treasure sweet memories.  I embrace the moving forward.  I am not moving on (that implies leaving something behind & I'm not) but I am moving forward (bringing Ryan with me), a process somehow full of sorrow and joy all at once.

And music can be such a powerful source of evoking emotion, memory, sorrow, joy, and healing.  In his letter to me, Ryan asked me to listen to a song about how he felt about me.  He wanted me to know without a doubt that I was loved.  I listen to the song he mentioned and cry over it often.  I am choosing not to share that song here on this blog, because it's something I store away in my heart and for some reason it seems less personal to me to put it out there for "everyone" to have a piece of too.  But if you would like to know the song, message me personally and I will share it.

Here are the lyrics to 'When I'm Gone':

A bright sunrise will contradict the heavy fault that weighs you down,

In spite of all the funeral songs the birds will make their joyful sounds,

You wonder why the earth still moves, you wonder how you'll carryon,

But you'll be okay on that first day when I'm gone.

Dusk will come with fireflies and whippoorwill and crickets call,

And every star will take its place and silvery gown and purple shawl,

You'll lie down in our big bed, dread the dark and dread the dawn,

But you'll be alright on that first night when I'm gone.

You will reach for me in vain

You'll be whispering my name,

As if sorrow were your friend

And this world so alien.

But life will call with daffodils and morning glorious blue skies,

You'll think of me some memory and softly smile to your surprise,

And even though you love me still you will know where you belong,

Just give it time we'll both be fine when I'm gone.